as i sit now

... i a procrastinating. in essence (just for you ... yes you ... because you love that word. yes, that was sarcasm.) ... prolonging that which i am currently using to set me free on the rest of my endeavors.

i a disappointing myself. if you only understood how focused ... fixated .. obsessed i can be with things that provide me immense joy and immediate results ... sigh. if only i could make that work for school as well. meanwhile, one of my students may very well be stumbling along my blog now ... losing faith.

PSA: school is cool. don't quit. ever. -_- ... it's worth it in the end?

what i want: to cook for a wife and children ... to be loved in utter reciprocity ... to be somewhere planning someone's event ... or promoting some excellent production ... or brainstorming new ways to get money ... (like ... wait no! these are my ideas! not yours!) ... in order to save and invest and make more money ... and make sure my kids understand how they can do the same. ... or for the sole purpose of living it up like jay and bey ... whatever.

i must will myself to write. i can do it. i am smart. i care ... about these issues ... (ok, i give less than two fucks about medieval literature) ... but i care about the rest of what i am doing.

fear is nothing. i can get this done.

... thanks for tuning in for the pep talk. hope we dont have to do this again. ...